worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
