At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
