I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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