I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize