I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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