We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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