I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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