she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
