My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
