Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
