That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
