his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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