3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
