I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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