I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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