She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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