Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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