I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
