if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
