Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
