i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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