The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
