I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
