sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
