I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
