She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
