did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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