You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
