Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
