Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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