she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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