So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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