You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
