his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
