Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
