3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
