Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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