He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
