I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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