I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
