is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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