I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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