R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
