tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
