im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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