peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Houston, we have a blender
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
