At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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