We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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