Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
so much tequila, so little girl.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
