I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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