whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
