she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
