maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
